Dear Diary,
It is 16th May 2026.
Every day now feels like a slug. I get up in the morning, do a little workout, work on this blog for a bit, and slowly dread the moment I need to step out of the house and run the shop.
It doesn’t feel like financial freedom at all. It feels more like a job, and I am working every day for 7 days a week, just to barely pay rent and survive. Looking back, there were even months when I still had to dig into savings to pay rent, which is not an ideal scenario.
I do get a sinking feeling every time I have to push myself off of my bed, or off of my desk, knowing that I will be spending another 9 hours in this failing shop.
Imagine if I had to do this for another 2 years. Working on something that I have lost an interest in.
At the start, everything was exciting! Being called ‘Boss’ for the first time, making my first sale, crunching the numbers on Google Sheets to figure out what the right selling price is, designing menus and social media posts.
But after 1.5 years of abysmal returns, the dread kicks in and the business becomes less of an asset and more of a monster, sucking your soul dry.
They were right – your business should reflect your passions and drive. It should be a cause that you firmly believe in, and something you can see yourself doing for 10 to 20 years.
But now I am stuck in something that I found out that I have little interest in.
I guess the light at the end of the tunnel is that this business will soon end in 3 months time, and I will hopefully eventually get to breathe some fresh air. Until then, I will need to slog my way through 3 months, 90 days, 2160 hours (I think the math is correct someone please check).
2160 hours of sitting in a shop, working on this blog, working on a backup plan. Any orders I make from now on, and any effort I put into operating this shop, is solely for its survival. Solely for paying rent so that I will not be penalized.
Have you ever seen movies where the bad guys tie victims to a device and force them to keep it running so that they don’t get punished or killed? Yep, that’s what this kinda feels like now.
There is little hope left in me, if any at all. All I can think about now is “it will be over soon, it will be over soon, it will be over soon”.
Of course, I did actually put down a 2-month rental deposit at the start, so technicalyyyy, I can exit by the end of the month. However, this doesn’t seem like a good idea as receiving the deposit in full at the end can give me a buffer once the income stream stops (which is funny because I hadn’t received income for the past 1.5 years).
Sometimes, I really really want to take that route and just exit now. But I know that a longer runway is better than stepping out into the world with little to my name.
So now, here I am, typing this blog post while I make bubble tea. You may not see it, but as I type, I am talking to customers, making drinks, handling cash, and maintaining the store.
What a slog indeed.
The least I can probably ask for, is that the remaining 3 months are good to me, and that sales are enough to cover rent. But given the economic situation at this time, things don’t look as hopeful.
The next thing I can possibly look forward to is my rest day, which happens once a month. Yes, it sucks that I have no choice but to keep the store running on my own for 99% of the month.
Of my life.
Knowing that if I just shut the store for one day, I am losing sales that contribute to the rental. Knowing that any transaction is important for the survival of the business.
For my survival.
‘Survival’ is an interesting word. It is completely separate from the word ‘live’, which means to be able to thrive and be comfortable. Survival is an instinct, a switch in your mind that you cannot turn off so long as you are in the same situation.
In survival mode, breathing shallows, your focus narrows, actions become sharp and intentional, and energy is constantly being consumed, leaving you completely drained but alive. Like a zombie.
There is no living when your business is failing. You keep the switch on and keep the lights on.
Welp, now that I have mentioned it, I need to conserve my energy. Gotta put a smile on my face and give customers a splendid service.
Till the next entry, keep growing.